Kong, madly in love, proposes to Barosaurus dinosaur fossil after steamy affair

Kong, transfixed by the amazing beauty of the Upper Jurassic-age dinosaur,
stopped his bloody rampage of the museum to hit on her. He later
called this moment "the beginning of the rest of my life." 

NEW YORK CITY -- Kong, the renowned behemoth gorilla with a penchant for extreme ferocity but also tender affection, proposed to a rare Barosaurus dinosaur fossil from the American Museum of Natural History today, following a short but steamy romantic affair that reportedly left the monstrous ape more in love than he’d ever been in his adult life.

Kong met the Barosaurus, an extremely long-necked herbivore standing at an impressive 40 feet tall, one week ago during a routine ravaging of New York City’s various tourist hot spots.

The gargantuan beast had just ripped an innocent museum security guard in half and was thumping his chest wildly when he laid eyes on the slender, 150 million-year-old dinosaur skeleton, according to eyewitnesses, who said the scene that unfolded could only be described as that of love at first sight.

“He immediately went over and started chatting her up,” Randy Forman, a 47-year-old mechanic from Albuquerque, New Mexico, said.

A hot-and-heavy courtship developed in the ensuing days, consisting of countless bouquets of roses addressed to “My Little Barosaur,” long spooning sessions during re-runs of the hit television series “This Is Us,” and endless, meandering monologues delivered at random by Kong, who gushed about how he had always been unlucky in love, envied others with a family and white picket fence, and had given up hope for ever finding that special someone, according to museum officials.

“Kong hasn’t left her side once,” said Bartholomew Weathersby, the museum’s director, who complained that having a giant, cantankerous gorilla take up residence in the Theodore Roosevelt Rotunda was putting a severe dent in ticket sales. “But dammit, you can’t argue with true love.”

Things had been going so well, Kong said, that he decided to get down on one knee and pop the question this evening after ordering Chinese takeout on Seamless.

“RRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!” Kong exclaimed, describing how he’d always been attracted to taller women and silent types who play hard to get, an interpreter said before being swallowed whole by the gigantic simian creature.

Although Kong never actually received an official answer from his “Dino Delight,” as he likes to call the Barosaurus, he believes it’s just her adorable, shy way of saying yes and is “over the moon” she would acquiesce after such a short-lived courtship.

As of press time, Kong was reportedly growing a little annoyed that his fiancée didn’t want to do anything on date night except stand in the same position for hours on end and stare blankly at the wall.