Na’vi Abandon Home Planet of Pandora, Take Up Residence in Local Rainforest Cafe

A group of visibly intoxicated Na'vi warriors hell-bent on getting
to the Rainforest Cafe before the end of happy hour.

San Francisco, CA -- The owner of a local Rainforest Café filed for a restraining order yesterday against several Na’vi, claiming that the blue, ten-foot-tall humanoids had caused irreparable damage to the restaurant’s client base by disturbing the peace and repeatedly irritating the customers.

“They suck,” Gil Nordberg, the owner of the San Francisco restaurant, said of the troublemaking aliens. “After coming here for the first time a week ago, they never f***ing left. Not once! When they’re not eating they’re either farting around in the giant artificial oak tree, trying to hunt the fake animals we have scattered around the restaurant, or getting hammered at the bar. Needless to say, business has been terrible.”

The group of Na’vi emigrated all the way from their native Pandora, a planet located 4.37 light years (2.6 x 10¹³ miles) away from Earth. After hearing about the “awesomeness” of the Rainforest Café from a few humans visiting Pandora, the Na’vi immediately left their home planet in search of what was promised to be the “best gastronomic experience of their lives.”

The drunken antics of the Na'vi have
scared away all Rainforest Cafe customers. 

“They said the restaurant looked exactly like Pandora, so I just knew I had to come see it for myself,” one of the Na’vi, Eytukan, said. “But honestly, what really sold me was the promise of a Rainforest Mexican Steak Burger for only $11.95. You simply can’t beat those prices. I’ll take this place any day over stupid-ass Pandora.”

Tsu’taka, another member of the Na’vi clan, stated in court that his decision to leave his wife and two children behind on Pandora was the best one he’s ever made.

“The Rainforest Café is the shit!” he said while sipping on a Green Python cocktail at the restaurant bar. “It’s got the great jungle feel of Pandora, mechanical elephants, and rainstorms every ten minutes. What’s not to like? Plus, they serve the best drinks here. Do you know how many bars they have on Pandora? Zero. I can never hang with my bros and shotgun ice-cold brewskis like I can here.”

While the motion to have the Na’vi banned from the Rainforest Café has yet to be resolved, Nordberg feels that he has the upper-hand in the case.

“There’s a lot of evidence working in my favor,” he said. “For example, one of the Na’vi tried to buy a Crocodile Schnapps at the bar one night, but I denied him because I could tell he’d already had too much to drink. He went ape shit and started screaming in his native language while chasing little kids around the restaurant. It was a disaster.”

Despite the threat of banishment, the Na’vi remain optimistic and claim they will do whatever it takes to gain entry into another Rainforest Café.

“The closest one is in Anaheim,” Tsu’taka said. “That’s only 400 miles. If we’re banned from the one in San Francisco, we plan on hitchhiking to Anaheim and celebrating with a round of Rainforest Enchiladas. If we get shut out there, we’ll just move on down the line to the next restaurant.  There’s no way in hell I’m going back to Pandora after discovering a place as fantastic as the Rainforest Café.”